“It’s taken me most of my life to realize that achievement and competency are not really a path to self-confidence, equanimity and a well-balanced life.

Perfectionism didn’t help me to cover up my ADD blunders and my feelings of unworthiness and shame. Although Alanon has helped me to become a more balanced person with better self-esteem, I have remained anxious and “driven” — a workaholic. My system was wired, and I just couldn’t stop — until a few months ago.

Since starting the Benson-Henry Institute’s Successful Aging program this summer, my meditation practice has deepened and it’s changing me. Ann Webster also offered us several other healing modalities, well integrated into a meaningful sequence. I’ve studied and practiced yoga, tai chi, nutrition, and several other modalities, but having them all integrated made the total greater than the sum of the parts. The best part for me was how much more focused I’m feeling.

I’ve been working at meditating since 1974, but my efforts felt dutiful, were sporadic and didn’t affect me much until this summer. Now I feel greater objectivity and self-awareness. Though I am not yet really focused, there seems to be somebody inside, helping me think more clearly. I don’t feel so overwhelmed by the amount of things I “should” be doing. Sometimes I realize I just don’t want to do a thing. I notice when I’m getting space-y, but I don’t bawl myself out so often. I’m feeling more who I am, and have fewer downs and ups. It seems there’s always something I can do to to help myself feel better. And I don’t have to accomplish some worthy task outside of myself to do it!

Thank you Ann, and all the whole Mind-Body Institute crew.

K.C.