The holidays can be the best of times and the worst of times, but we can manage our response to stress and find joy in small things to build resiliency. BHI’s John Denninger, MD, PhD, has some ideas for how to make the holidays a little lighter and brighter for those who may be feeling stressed, lonely or overwhelmed during this second pandemic holiday season.

By focusing our intentions on the following, Dr. Denninger says, we can reframe our thoughts and bring positivity to a stressful season or event: optimism, flexibility, social connection, creativity and kindness, and mindfulness.

 

Optimism

Focusing on optimism in an intentional way is a good way to reduce pandemic-related stress.

“We should be reminding ourselves that things are likely to continue to improve,” Dr. Denninger says. “We can expect the best, while preparing for the worst and build a sense of empowerment by doing our part to lessen the impact of the pandemic: getting vaccinated, wearing masks, limiting our exposure and, when we gather together, doing so in small groups and in safe, ventilated spaces.”

Gratitude is another important thing factor.

“Gratitude has been shown to be helpful in maintaining mood and preventing depression. Although it may seem like a difficult time to generate gratitude—with everyone weary from all we’ve been through—it is a time to focus on how grateful we are for what we’ve come through, what we’ve survived.”

Dr. Denninger recommends keeping a gratitude diary—on paper, on your phone or other device, or just as a daily reflection.  Bringing to mind one to three things, people, or activities we appreciate each day can be a wonderful way to maintain gratitude and build a positive outlook.

 

Flexibility

Flexibility in the face of adversity is a trait we can all benefit from cultivating.

“You may be thinking, ‘Here we are—even in highly vaccinated Massachusetts—and we’re still seeing an upswing in infection rates!’ Practicing flexible thinking will help us see that this doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate with friends and family, but just have to think about shifting things a little: having smaller gatherings, making sure all are vaccinated—and preferably boosted—and paying to attention to what local COVID rates are.”

Recognize that we can’t control the pandemic, just our response to it.

“Practice acceptance. Acceptance is not saying that you like the situation—it’s just coming to a point where you can admit, ‘This is the reality, I have to deal with it,” and then figure out where to go from there,” Dr. Denninger says.

“We’ve all had things we’ve needed to accept—things beyond our control—and we’ve all experienced the peace that comes from accepting a situation as opposed to just being angry or hurt by it.  We are in the midst of a pandemic, and, sure, the holidays are going to be somewhat different. But they can still be joyous.”

 

Social Connection

Many people report feeling isolated or lonely at the holidays, and even more so during the pandemic.

“One thing is to take stock of who you give support to and who you get support from—both now and in the past. Especially during this holiday season it may be a good time to reach out to people you think may need your support or to those who have no one to spend the holidays with and may be feeling lonely,” Dr. Denninger says.

And it doesn’t just have to be to individuals; we can reach out (even virtually) through religious organizations, support groups, clubs and peer-led organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous, all of which can be wonderful ways to connect.

It’s also a good idea to gather with others who love the things you do: if you are an art lover, go to a museum. You’ll find others who share your passion. Like music? Try a concert (but wear a mask). Even if you’re going to something by yourself, it can be a way to feel connected to the people around you when you’re sharing in things you all enjoy.

“Human beings are social creatures, and if we feel that our connection to our family or work group has been damaged, there are many others who are looking for similar connections. It can feel difficult to reach out, but we often find that that difficulty is easily overcome. Especially at the holidays, and during a pandemic.”

 

Creativity & Kindness

Kids are great at expressing creativity, but somewhere along the line many adults stop finding time to be “makers.”  Find time pick up an old knitting project, get back to your woodworking tools, get out some pencils and find some time to draw or color.  Dr. Denninger and his family like to make gingerbread houses during the holidays.

“it’s not about the finished product, it’s about finding time to do something you enjoy.”

People draw satisfaction and purpose from helping others; so, while you’re being creative, you can bake some cookies for a neighbor and drop them off.  Take the extra food in your cupboards to the local pantry, donate toys or coats to those less fortunate.

“We can improve our own outlook by knowing we are useful and helpful to those around us.  Think of who in your life could use a little boost, and find a way to make that happen—whether it’s going through old photos and sending them to a friend or shoveling an elderly relative’s driveway, there are plenty of things we can do to make ourselves and those around us feel valued and seen.”

 

Taking a Mindful Moment

If something is stressful, stop, breathe, reflect, and choose:

• Stop for a moment
• Take time to do some mindful breathing or a longer guided meditation
• Reflect on how you want to proceed in the face of the stressor
• Choose a path forward.

“We’re all in the same boat together.  One could view that as something to be despairing about, but it’s also an opportunity for us to come together,” Dr. Denninger says.  “The holidays are a potential time for unity and wouldn’t it be nice if we were all working together toward unity and compassion?”